No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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