The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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