i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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