Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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