end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
