it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
