i used baking grease as lip gloss
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
