Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
