Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
