it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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