I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
