OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
