Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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