am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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