could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
