Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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