I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
