:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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