I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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