do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
