WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
