apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
