I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
