Someone shit on the floor
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
