i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
