if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
