2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
