The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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