GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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