My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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