We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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