do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
