You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
