I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Houston, we have a blender
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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