wanna go halves on a baby?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
