Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
