new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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