The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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