But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
