nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
