girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's blow job season.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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