i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
