I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
