Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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