hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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