Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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