Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
