I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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