I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
