Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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