You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
