I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
