Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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