I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
