Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
