you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize