i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
