the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
