I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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