She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
