CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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