Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
