O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You need a sexual gate keeper
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
