I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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