did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
