You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
