Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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