Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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