Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
