You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
