so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
