So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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