there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
