I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
