After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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