can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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