So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
