Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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