You're my little dorito
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
