I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize