My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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