no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
