Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
