NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
