apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
