So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
