thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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