I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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