ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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