is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
