"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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