you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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