I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
