when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone signed my nipple.
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