Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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