Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize