Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
