If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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