They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
